Question: Why would I spend my valuable time watching UFC fights when I could just as easily watch gay porn and have a significantly more satisfying payoff in the end without all the mood-killing dude-jeering in the background?
I mean, don't get me wrong, some of those boys are pretty and, in the past, I have enjoyed watching them do whatever it is they do. And, like, I'm sure all those moves have totally technical and completely heterosexual sounding names so that their target audience doesn't catch on to how fucking awesomely gay their favourite sport is and run away in fear of tarnishing their manhood. But, really, I'm just gonna say what everyone else is totally secretly thinking: Whatever those moves are called, it's just a fancy ways of saying "Spooning" and "Oh Wow, Your Cock Is In My Ear, How'd That Happen?" and "Mind If I Ride Your Face? Don't Worry, I Waxed".
God, UFC is like the biggest cocktease *ever* for me. In my world, every single fight would eventually lead to blowjobs at the *very* least. And when I'm forced to come to the realization that this isn't actual gay porn and guys fucking isn't what's for dinner unless I start writing the fanfiction for it? Not gonna lie, I get frustrated.
And there lies the reason why UFC has joined the ranks of inspirational football movies and "The Fast and the Furious 1, 2 & 4" in terms of things I am no longer allowed to watch outside of the privacy of my own home unless I'm with mantaraggio
, and/or bigboobedcanuck
because they totally understand and accept my propensity for yelling things like "Drop and give me twenty locker room blowjobs!" or "Garage sex on the hood of that Camaro, Vin Diesel!!! Make Paul Walker your cock-bitch already!" out loud whenever something particularly slashy is happening on screen. And, let me tell you as someone with personal experience with this kind of thing: Screaming for gay dude gang bangs in the middle of a crowded bar full of UFC fans screaming for blood? Kinda awkward. I don't think they appreciated my sports commentary, even if I was totally better at it than the sportscasters who were calling the fight.
Y'know, all this reminds me that I have to have a "The Fast and the Furious" marathon soon. I'm totally overdue for one.